Camp Lesbian

On Monday, Chelsea and I drove 5.5 hours to visit the glamorous  Myrtle Beach, South Carolina, for a few reasons: 

#1  We both wanted to go to the beach.

#2  It is relatively close.

#3  My aunt Jill and her partner, Mischelle live there.

#4  Please see reason #1. 

The drive was very easy and we arrived Monday afternoon to my aunt's house, greeted by Jill and her fifteen dogs.  I mean, four dogs, including one pug puppy with a name that I cannot remember that sounds like a Middle Eastern country.  We ate a quick lunch and asked where the nearest beach would be with the least amount of people.  Jill directed us to Lichfield or something like that, which appeared to be a sort of haven for rich white people who lack creativity in their need to name their beach houses.  We walked out on the sand, breathed in the sea air and found a spot to lay in the overcast sun.  I immediately went in the water, feeling the waves crash around me.  It felt so good.  I went to lay in the sun, shamed into keeping on my shorts by the buff old ladies running on the beach and ogled the one young man on the beach instead.  After a few hours, we went back to Jill's to change and go eat dinner, being led to the most expensive Chinese buffet ever by my "adopted" "cousin" (apparently my aunt's penchant for taking in stray dogs is only rivaled by her need to rescue teens in distress).  Chelsea and I drank $12 worth of water, found some kick ass koozies and went back to the house, exhausted.  The rest of the evening is mostly a blur, something about Miller High Life, a woman named Annette who wants to be like me when she grows up, and Trivial Pursuit.  Bed.

We got up at some point and went to the beach before it could rain.  We agreed to apply sunscreen once an hour, on the hour.  We thought we succeeded, but soon found that we did not, and that we were both burned.  That aside, it was one of the most enjoyable days at the beach I have ever experienced.  The sun was shining, it was not too hot, the ocean was blue and lovely.  Those damn old ladies and their hot legs did make an appearance, but other than that, it was a great day at the beach.  Until we left and realized how burned we were.  We went back to the house and showered and went in search of food.  We wanted a local pizza place, so Mischelle directed us to Mama Bella's, which we were told was next to The Hot Dog Queen.  She was not joking, there is a place called The Hot Dog Queen.  We went to Mama Bella's and met the nicest woman ever, who gave us free drinks as she hand made our pizza.  Quella pizza era migliore pizza.  It was so good.  We all watched Hotel for Dogs and soon went to bed.  

We got up early on Wednesday, as we were leaving that afternoon and wanted to have a full day.  We did, however, wish to remain fully clothed to avoid any further sun damage.  Mischelle suggested we go to a pier in Garden City.  Piers always make me think of the 1940s for some reason, despite the number of people in ill fitting swim suits.  We took pictures of a pelican and then stared at the ocean for close to an hour (and when I say "ocean", I mean people in the water and when I say "people" I mean boys and when I say "boys" I mean males who look much older from far away but once you get close to them you realize they are probably still in highschool).  We bought more kick ass koozies and I finally got a hot dog.  We made our way back to the house, packed, kissed all the dogs good-bye, posed for party boat pictures and started home.  

I'm pretty sure if there is something you can think of that could go wrong while you're on a long drive, that thing happened to us on the way home.  First, we were caught in a scene from Twister which resulted in us pulled off on the side of the road cramming kit-kats down our throats to distract from the monsoon.  THEN, we were happened upon Columbia, South Carolina at 5pm which is apparently South Carolina time for "let's all get into pretty bad wrecks".  We saw at least three wrecks + what had to have been rush hour traffic.  It took us half an hour to go like two miles.  THEN, we started hearing this weird flapping sound.  We pulled off the road and saw that a piece of Chelsea's car had come unhinged.  We deemed the piece unimportant and kept driving.  It took us over SIX HOURS to get back to Athens, and when we did, it was a relief.  

Overall, it was a great time.  It was very chill, very relaxing, which is exactly what we both wanted.  I had a pretty brutal spring semester and am taking two summer classes that start next week, so this was a very welcome break from school, work and Athens.  But I am glad to be home, glad my sunburn is healing, glad that I have the knowledge that Camp Lesbian is only 5.5-6 hours away.