Friday, October 23, 2009

Faux Poor

As Leah pointed out what should have been obvious to me, I am posting the piece I wrote for Kyle on here. Enjoy and watch for more!

Fashion: Faux Poor

If you're a student at UGA or a resident of Athens, you're familiar with the designer products a majority of students are privileged enough to wear. You could be thinking of anything; if it can be made "designer," someone in Brumby will have it. Whether it be the now mass-produced fleece jacket to match your mass-produced bookbag, those shorts with the lines that are supposed to streamline your legs (they don't), to computers to keychains, to the luxury vehicle that even your dad can't afford, brand names unfortunately abound in the Classic City. It can be really difficult for a student not so privileged to feel adequate enough when their sunglasses don't have two tiny white words printed on the lens. So what does a young person do when they can't afford to fit in, say... in Terry? I have one name for you:

Lamar Dodd.

Welcome to the Mecca of the faux poor, the destitute destination for all of the University. How often have you seen someone downtown and thought to yourself, "I wonder if that person is homeless?" and it turns out they're just a pottery major? I know I have, and I've developed a keen eye for the style of the art student. Rich or poor, hobo chic is the way to dress down at the art school. And the look of the art student is oh so easy to emulate. Allow me to suggest some ways that you, yes YOU, can become your own Chuck Close, a modern day Van Gogh (ear chopping not required, though the dried blood would look pretty beggarly):

#1 - Hygiene.

DO. NOT. BATHE. Seriously. This is the foundation of looking (and smelling) like an art student. And if you absolutely have to shower, do not wash your hair. Speaking of hair, you should probably cut it into something choppy, and bangs are a must. Both of those techniques provide a good base for the greasy look you are trying to achieve. The dirtier you are, the poorer you look. The poorer you look, the less understood you feel; and the less understood you are, the better your art is.

#2 - Clothing.

Know those terrible jeans your mom made you wear in like middle school? Dig them out and wear them everyday for the remainder of the semester. Pretty much anything without a collar and with an ironic logo is acceptable for the top, but rips, tears and stains definitely say, "I sleep in a box." Also, any art supply you can get on the clothing is excellent, even if you don't paint, draw, etc. Rub a charcoaled hand across your shirt and go!

#3 - Accessories.

Scarves. And nothing else. Lots and lots of scarves. Don't have one? Ask Dr. Zuraw if you can borrow one of hers.

Oh, and get a couple of tattoos.

#4 - Cigarettes.

Ok, this may not exactly fall into the "poor" aspect, as cigarettes cost money, but you have to smoke. Preferably American Spirits or Parliaments. It may as well be a requirement to become an art major, like a superinflated ego.

These are just a few suggestions, and if you're actually poor, you'll have no problem fitting in and making friends.

Until the smelly kid next to you pulls out his MacBook and starts taking notes. Because remember, these art kids are not actually poor: Their torn up, "vintage" style probably costs as much, if not more than those logo-ed co-ed clothes. And believe me, American Spirits are NOT cheap. The trick, however, is to appear poverty-stricken and if you actually are broke, the art kids will never know the difference. So all you poor kids who feel that you can’t fit in anywhere on North Campus, make the trek down to Lamar Dodd, light up one of your expensive cigarettes and feel welcome.

Can’t draw?

Don’t worry, neither can they.


Leah Hollett said...

you're so funny! i hope people don't think i'm a bossy cow though... oh wait...

jinx protocol said...

Great post, Bonnie, and so true. I don't know how many times I have dunked quarters into an art student's coffee cup. :)